An Unspoken Adieu
by Lethe Werner
Summary: "...He was looking at him not like a mental enemy, nor a suspect, but looked at him like his very own reflection.." Glimpses of a sleuth's past, his acceptance of what is to occur, and his blow of adieu.


**An Unspoken Adieu**

By : _Laige . KeehL_

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Disclaimer:__ I do not own Death Note. (Everyone knows that.)_

_A/N:__ So…hello to the person who is about to read this…Sit back and…read! If you could endure any more tolerance, review!_

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_(*Italicized texts are either L's memories or thoughts.)_

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It was foggy outside; there was nothing to see, no sight anyone could make of. Almost everything—from buildings to small institutions to cars—are all obscured from view by dominating clouds of gray. The only things visible are the faint glow of several street lamps, like bright knights trying to cast its dying lights over the nearing darkness.

Raindrops start to fall from the blurry sky. Every second that passes, they evolve into greater masses of water, until it feels almost like ice. L closed all applications he has been using in his computer, then shut off the device. He did not like working when the world outside is noisily jerking with nature. Neither did he like to work when the loud clinking of the church bell is erupting its patterned sound into his sense of hearing.

_Ding... Ding... Ding… Ding_—He wondered, is someone being baptized? Can it be due to a wedding ceremony? Or… did someone just die? — _Ding... Ding... Ding…_

He stood up from his seat, his back slightly hunched. He slid his hands into the pockets of his baggy jeans, making his way towards the door. Before he reached it, however, somebody from outside the room opened the door.

An old man of about eighty, with balding white hair and a heavily lined face entered the room. He was wearing a handsome black suit, which then was partly hidden from view by a tray of food the man was carrying. It was full of sweet delights: strawberry and mango-flavored ice creams with cherries on top, and two mini-sized chocolates cakes.

Watari spoke. "Going somewhere, Ryuzaki?" He placed the tray on an empty space beside L's computer. Watari took a saucer from the tray, then a bread knife, and began to slice a piece of one of the chocolate cakes.

"Yes. I do not see it as the best time for investigating whilst under this condition." L held the doorknob, but then put his hand back into his pocket. "Watari,"

"Hm?" The old man mumbled as he consumed a chunk of cake with a fork.

"Isn't it that I told you… back in England," L turned to face Watari, "that I may never come back to that place again?"

Watari placed the saucer onto the desk, extracting a handkerchief from his pocket, and then used it to wipe his mouth.

"Ryuzaki," Watari said as he carefully folded his handkerchief, then continued, "I am only guessing what is on your mind at the moment, but I am about to tell you; things—or rather, people, always have a way of coming back to whatever things they have grown to have, or to some place they have grown to live, how much ever they have left it for some reason," Watari clamped his hands together, looking at L, as if waiting for the young adult to do something extraordinary.

L simply stared at the man in front of him, the man he considered as closest to a father he could ever have. He did not reply, nor could he ever think of one; instead, he placed a thumb to a corner of his mouth, like a curious child wondering if dogs could evolve into dinosaurs.

Watari, calm as could be, continued, "And if very well anyone thinks of fate, I must say it is not a word to trust…but of course each of us will be gone from this world, eventually…" The elder man slightly raised his head, "But the thing to remember is, we always have a choice; whatever this choice may be, no matter how you look at it, it would certainly create a difference in the world." He gazed at L.

L let down his hand which was previously touching his lips, bowing his head even lower. There was a moment's silence. It was as if the silence was offered for the heavy rain, the chimes of the church bell, and the ticking clock to converse. _Ding. Tick. Tap. Ding. Ding—Tock. Tap. Tap. Tick. Tock. Ding. Tap. Tap…_

L blinked at the floor twice, and then looked up to see Watari's still features. "Thank you, Watari." The aged man nodded in response. L turned away from the scene.

-.-.-

_It is not every day that somebody would think of making the world a better place. Whether or not man has that goal, whatever happens to this imperfect world is, without a doubt, connected to his own doing._

L's plain clothing was now sticking to his lean body, his shaggy hair so wet that it felt heavy on his head. He was staring at the distant church's gold-tinted bell, which didn't seem to stop ringing at all. Every now and then, various thoughts entered his mind, and with the ringing of the bell flashbacks of his past came back to him.

_(At least eat something; you don't want a grumbling stomach…)_

Since L stepped foot into Watari's orphanage, he was more than glad to call it a home. He did not care whether or not the word normal ever exists, nor did he care if it ever meant anything to him. Being in the orphanage, he felt like a free spirit; his words weren't limited nor restricted, because each year he spent, he himself slowly realized that _this_ is not proper, that _that _is inappropriate, that even without anyone telling him, his own universe will somehow resort to its limits, no matter how extensive its boundaries are when he was younger. He grew to believe each passing year how distant his imagination is from the thing called reality.

_(There are no bad guys; there are only people who have lost their minds.)_

_Man is a judgmental being. He continues to seek and do what he thinks is right, he points a sharp tongue to what he thinks is wrong. He himself knows what is evil, but it is not always that he does perceive it with the right mind. Once he loses control, then he becomes trouble._

_(There really are no bad guys…just mad men.)_

He listened more intently to the bell, not anymore caring about the raindrops trickling through his body. _DING…DING…DING…_

_"Give me back my toy!" The smaller boy in front of me cried out._

_"No, I would not," I said, my eyes growing larger, "if there really are more important things than toys or…or possessions!" I gripped the toy car at my back much tighter as the younger boy started to punch my thin legs._

L smiled. Despite the intense rain threatening to tear him down to pieces, and the church bell ringing louder than it did the first time, he smiled.

_"Ryuzaki? What is that you're doing again?" An old man in a black suit appeared, his eyes shifting from me to the boy; he kneeled beside the boy, holding his hands the embracing him. "Shh…shh…now, now, you will be alright…"_

_"I was only trying to prove something…" I looked down on my feet._

L didn't stop smiling to himself. The memory was so vivid he felt like it was happening to him again, like he shrunk back into the curious and innocent boy he used to be. _Curiosity…such inquisitive mind…it is something a child would always carry…being a child means having countless questions on your mind. You are always amazed of stories with great endings, but as you grow, you realize that when somebody succeeds, the man on the other side of the gate suffers from despair, hopelessness…_

_The little boy cried even louder, so loud that I even dropped the toy just to be able to cover my ears. I sensed what Watari would do next, so I quickly grabbed the toy from the back, but I tripped over._

_DING…DING…DING… "Ryuzaki, my final word; hand me over the toy. It is Dan's property, not yours; and taking away what is not yours is inappropriate. Shh, shh…don't worry now, Danny, shh…"_

_"I don't want to! You're going to give it back to him, I know it! I was just…trying to prove that…there are more important things than toys! Isn—"_

_Watari gently rubbed the boy's tiny back. "But…b-but…my t-toy is i-im-portant!" He sobbed. He freed himself from Watari's grip, dragging himself towards me. "You're so bad! Bad! Bad!" He repeatedly punched my limbs with his fists; I cannot fight him back, as the toy might slip from my hands. Suddenly, I fell on my back, again. Watari came between us, grabbing the boy by the waist. He managed to retrieve the toy from my grip, handing it to the little boy. I pouted._

_DING…DING…DING…I felt my eyebrows threatening to meet each other, fists clenched at my sides. "Ryuzaki, dear boy, when you grow up, you yourself will manage to find the thing that matters most," he stood up, carrying the boy, "there'll be no need to rush." I saw Danny jerk his head away from me, "Hmpph!" "And oh, apologize to Dan, Ryuzaki."_ It was the first time L learnt of the word "prove"; the first time he learnt of proving something through others.

He stopped smiling. Instead, he looked at the bell again, it didn't stop.

_I am L. L Lawliet. I didn't know why my first name consists of only one letter, I didn't even know if the person who gave me my name is still out there. I am here, standing on the ground of my achievement. I am man with sins, a man who has been deceived, who has been creating my own pace… I am just like everyone else, but in my own way I make myself different. DING…DING…_

_(I wonder…is somebody being baptized? Is there a wedding ceremony? Or… is someone dead?)_

_A genius, I am called, a 'top-class' detective I may be referred, a man with the perfect mind others might believe, but I still commit mistakes. I do not often admit it, with all the pride that I have and the scrupulous arrogance that I possess…_

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _The rain drops seemed to ring in his ears; for the first time he was aware of the rain. But still…his gaze didn't tear off from the bell.

_I have sacrificed lives, and I know it. I have come across challenges, yet I am still trapped with difficulty. I am secluded, yet my mind is open for helping the world, for making it a better place to live. I can never change it, but with every hand that I lend I know that it makes a difference. Just like what Watari have said. Just like what the man I considered a father have said…_

_DING…DING…DING…_

_(You have to accept it, with each rhythm it emits, it just means…that you can do something.)_

"Ryuzaki!" I heard a voice call. "Hey, Ryuzaki!" I turned around to see who it was. He cupped his hand over his mouth. He was saying something, but I didn't understand. I placed a hand over my ears. He was saying something again, but I couldn't hear. My hand remained stationary on my ears.

The youth called Light Yagami looked at his left, then at his right, covered his head under his coat, then ran at me. "What are you doing, standing here in the rain?"

"I hear the ringing of the bell. It's going on and on nonstop…I wonder…if someone gave birth, or if it's a wedding ceremony, or…"

L stared at Light, eyes wide and unreadable. L was looking at him not like a mental enemy, nor a suspect, but looked at him like his very own reflection. _I have served my purposes, I have accomplished goals I have set myself for humanity's sake…I have done enough._

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A/N:__ That's it. Yes, Watari is actually saying those long phrases, and L actually blinked. ' got a problem with that? LOL, Kidding.x) Please,__ REVIEW! And __I'd be glad if anyone would point out an error or two. :D_


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